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Adam Carolla

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From Penn Jillette's 09-Mar-2006 radio show:

Penn: [...] My wife informed me that you are also an out-of-the-closet atheist, is that right?

Adam: Yes.

P: Yeah, which is fabulous. In the 1880s the three highest paid speakers in the United States of America were atheists.

A: Really?

P: It was Robert Ingersoll, Thomas Huxley and Mark Twain.

A: Well we can all enjoy them in hell when we see them there. (laughter)

P: In the past 40 years or so atheists have not be doing as well. And now you are the big LA DJ. Have you ever been religious?

A: No. [...] If you were not born into that culture, it seems like the most outlandish thing in the world. Obviously, you could take any Christian and have them born into the fundamentalist Hasidim (Jews), and they'd be walking around with the beard and the whole getup. So obviously, if you weren't indoctrinated into that early on, then it makes no sense [to you]. I also [am] very insulted when people say "Well without religion what's to stop people?" Somehow we don't know it's intrinsically wrong to kill, or to cheat, or to do whatever other things it says in the Bible.

P: It's also frightening because you have people that look you in the eye and say "If it weren't for religion I'd be killing and raping everybody." And you respond "it's not me. Perhaps you should be locked-up for saying that."

A: I would rather have a police department built into them rather than have one around them in the form of a church or bible or whatever [to which] they can repent. If you are an atheist and have a set of values and moral codes like we do, you can't do anything wrong because your viscera won't let you. It's within. It's impossible. And I also say this to the a-holes who make these accusations: how many people on death row are atheists? They all love Jesus and they all put a shiv into a Korean liquor store owner because they love Jesus that much.

[ Penn points out that a 1997 study shows that atheists comprise 0.2% of the prison population.]

A: I used to work with born-again gang-bangers installing closets in Burbank. These were amongst the scariest people I've ever met in my life. A guy thumping a bible, asking for traveling mercy and speaking in tongues with a teardrop tattoo. This is a frightening guy. People are scared to die, and the second somebody figured out somebody died and got frightened about it they had to concoct a fairy tale. It amazes me that intelligent people buy into [it.]


Adam on Atheism:

From 1995-2005 Nationally Syndicated Radio Show Loveline allowed Adam to rant on taboo subjects. Adam loudly made fun of all religions as he preached his own Atheism.

October 29, 1998 Loveline, Adam spoke to a young man having problems with sexual identity and religion. Adam: "Screw guilt -- I could have sex with 10 men and it wouldn't bother me. I'm an atheist!"

1999 Loveline, Gary Busey spoke of his renewed Christian faith. Adam: "Well, I'm a devout atheist and Drew's a pagan." Busey: "Son, you've been reading the wrong books!" Adam: "I don't wanna get hit by any lightning bolts here, so let's take a call."

Loveline rant August 2002:

Adam: "Y'know that Osama Bin Laden and his crazy followers, those religious guys are nuts, y'know, the Muslims carrying a blanket around to pray to Mecca five times a day, Orthodox Jews with long beards and long sideburns 'cuz they're not allowed to shave, Catholic priests not allowed to have women so they molest boys, Mormons, Jehovah's Witnesses, Christian Scientists... they're all nuts. You don't want to get into it, Drew, but this religion stuff is just mental illness, right Drew?"

Dr. Drew: "Mm-hmm."

Adam: "I really think so, Drew, these guys with blankets and funny hats and long beards, that's mental illness. If you took a teenager and told him to put these funny clothes on and never shave and pray five times a day, he'd think you're nuts. Christian preachers telling us we're going to hell-- they're all nuts!"

Caller: "You will burn in hell for your anti-Christian remarks!"

Adam: "Hell probably ain't that bad a place. I'll probably see all my friends there!"

Caller: "Your skin will be on fire in hell and will burn over and over again!"

Adam: "You mean my skin will burn then grow back and reburn? How about those Orthodox Jews with their beards, will those beards burn and reburn?"

Caller: "All Jews will burn in hell who do not accept Jesus Christ as lord and savior!"

Adam: "So their beards will burn then grow then burn again! Wow! You got me worried now! See I didn't mind burning in hell, but this idea that my skin will grow back then burn over again, man! Now I'm worried! I didn't know hell was such a tough place!"

Next Caller, drug addict with thick southern accent: "How kin I git sober?"

Adam: "Find Jesus!"


In an interview with Adam Carolla, Seth MacFarlane and Carolla talk about being atheists. mp3 source


Penn Jillette with Adam Carolla on atheism
See also: Penn Jillette