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Neal Pollack

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From an 09-Oct-2002 Onion AV Club article titled Is There A God? [1]:

America's greatest living writer, Neal Pollack is the author of The Neal Pollack Anthology Of American Literature.

The Onion: Is there a God?

Neal Pollack: God does not exist, unless you are my mother-in-law and are reading this, in which case I definitely do believe that He exists, and will raise my children accordingly. But if you're not my mother-in-law, and she's not reading this, then He does not exist.