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Amy Alkon

Alkon's 'Advice Goddess' column is syndicated in over 100 papers.

She says she's agnostic and disparages astrology and psychics in her column.

She shares her 6/10/03 column on the topic:

We're The Chosen People And You Suck!

This Nicholas D. Kristof New York Times piece reminded me of one of my pet peeves: Why is it that most religions seem to be run by a cadre of fourth-grade Little Leaguers?

First of all, that anybody believes in god -- just because somebody severe-looking told them god exists -- is really a hoot. Why not believe there's a big pink dinosaur in the sky? How about if I tell you, in a very convincing tone, that one's floating around up there -- occasionally bending down to nibble one of those styrofoam Jack-In-The Box thingees off SUV antennae? Oh co me on -- can'tcha take it on faith? It's no more ridiculous than believing that some guy who looks like Charlton Heston clutching the Ten Commandments is sitting in a wing chair on your roof, passing judgment on the universe.

Like the guy would even have time to care about your pathetic little life: 'Hmm, Amy stiffed the coffee bar on a tip today. I suppose I'll have to smite her after I finish my breakfast.'

Getting back to the 'we're cool and you suck' concept so central to most religions -- if religion's so great, why the need to appeal to the element who mainly get their self-worth by waving giant styrofoam fingers at sporting events?

If people really just wanted a framework to be good, all they'd need to do is live by the tenets of the religion I've created (and feel free to call it Amyism):

1. Be kind

2. Be ethical

3. Be rational

4. Live as if a piano could fall on your head at any moment, but with the realization that you'll probably make it to tomorrow sans piano keys decorating your skull.

5. Leave the campground better than you found it.

She blogs at her website [1].

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